Sportsmeat

To revive one of the great segments of the Sportsmeat radio show, I sat down with a handful of 1987 Donruss baseball cards and composed a little poem for your reading pleasure:

Ode to a stack of cards

Whatever happened to ’ol Darrell Porter?
Contact lenses, I guess, must have been on back order.
And where’s Danny Darwin, versatile on the mound?
Through natural selection a fastball he found.
Oh where is the Oriole pitcher Storm Davis?
His real name was George; I feel like he played us.
Where’s Glenallen Hill, the once-smiling rookie,
And the Met centerfielder, the one they call Mookie?
Where is the pitcher named Michael LaCoss,
One-time all-star whose mustache was totally boss?
Where is the White Sox catcher Ron Hassey,
Who knew how to make polyester look classy?
Where’s Julio Franco, bat high in the air?
Oh wait, did I hear he’s still playing somewhere?
Whatever happened to Ken Oberkfell --
The bearded Braves batsman –-
Where is he, pray tell?
Or Franklin Stubbs, the .215 hitter,
Pitcher Bob Shirley, tossing a splitter,
Outfielder Greg Gross, with pinch hits automatic?
They’re all still major leaguers, in a box in the attic.

A couple of news stories worth a quick look

A sports academy in China was busted for stocking and dispensing steroids, EPO, and testosterone, according to state media reports. And big news in cricket – a ball tampering episode is causing controversy in England and Pakistan, sparking one umpire's offer to resign from his job, for a $500,000 severance fee. None of this makes sense to me, including the part about the actual tampering, which became noticeable when the ball started “reverse swinging.” The Pakistani team, accused of making that reverse swing happen, “initially refused to re-emerge after tea in protest." Nice work. Stick it to the man, Pakistan.

Sportsmeat US Open Preview

For all intents and purposes golf is over, football has yet to begin and the Mets have a huge lead (as do the Yankees), rendering baseball meaningless for the time being. Which means it’s time for the 2006 US Open and a (perhaps not-so-quick) quick rundown, with predictions, for the last major of the year and the final event of Andre Agassi’s career.

The big question, obviously, is how long Andre will stick around in his finale. Don’t wait for the second week to catch him. He has struggled with a back injury all season, missing the French Open and bowing out in straight sets to Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon. Overall, Agassi is 8-7 on 2006 and has dropped to 37th in the world, meaning he is unseeded at the Open. He played in only two events leading up to the Open, losing in the quarterfinals in Los Angeles to Fernando Gonzalez and falling in the first round in D.C. to Andrea Stoppini (and no, I’ve never heard of Stoppini either, though his name lends itself well to humor).

Agassi opens against Andrei Pavel, a very good player who has slipped in the rankings due to a few injury problems of his own. Agassi should get by Pavel but his chances of advancing much further are not good. He would play eighth-seeded Marcos Baghdatis in the second round, a very fit, strong player with a similar game to Agassi’s—but younger and in better health. No doubt fans are hoping for an Agassi-Andy Roddick matchup in the fourth round. Expect Roddick to be there … playing Baghdatis.

Now, on to the picks:

Women’s Semifinalists
Maria Sharapova vs. Serena Williams
Justine Henin-Hardenne vs. Elena Dementieva

Serena has played very little this year, but she looked good in two events this summer and is still the most intense competitor on the women’s tour. That should be enough for her to get through a brutal quarter that could include matchups with 17th seed Daniela Hantuchova, US Open Series champ Ana Ivanovic and Amelie Mauresmo (who has played just two matches since her victory at Wimbledon and is battling a sore shoulder). Her run, however, will stop at Sharapova, who had a fine summer season and who should thrive on the atmosphere and relatively quick hardcourts at the US Open.

Figure Henin-Hardenne to ease past Dementieva in the other semi. Henin-Hardenne has the easiest road to the semis of the top women’s players, while Dementieva should have enough to battle through a tough section that includes possible matchups with Venus Williams in the fourth round and 2004 US Open champ Svetlana Kuznetsova (who just defeated Dementieva in New Haven) in the quarterfinals.

Henin-Hardenne does not often lose in the finals and Sharapova has struggled to break through after winning Wimbeldon two years ago, but this looks like Sharapova’s year. She is healthy, playing well and determined not to lose. Call it three sets, but give the title to Sharapova.

Men’s Semifinalists

Roger Federer vs. Tommy Haas
Andy Roddick vs. Rafael Nadal

Federer will likely have to face Juan Carlos Ferrero, who seems to be rounding into form, in the round of 16, but otherwise faces no major threats on his road to the semis. His opponent in the semis, however, is anyone’s guess. Fourth seed David Nalbandian had an awful summer. And while Andy Murray and Fernando Gonzalez finished in the top four of the US Open Series standings, neither is a threat to win the 2006 Open. Marat Safin is the most talented player in this quarter, but his confidence is shaky. That leaves Tommy Haas, an excellent hard court player who could even steal a set or two off Federer if he is on his game.

Roddick was having a terrible year before winning the Masters series event in Cincinnati, and now enters the Open with confidence and nothing to lose (having lost in the first round last year, he will be defending no rankings points this year). Also, under the guidance of Jimmy Connors, he is attacking like no one else on tour—and Roddick always plays best when he is on the offensive. He will likely have to face Marcos Baghdatis in the fourth round and any of 2001 US Open champ Lleyton Hewitt, No. 3 Ivan Ljubicic or up-and-comer Nick Djokavic or Richard Gasquet in the quarters. Even so, I have a feeling Roddick will get through to the finals, defeating Nadal in what should be a great semifinal. Nadal has not looked good on hard courts this summer, but his draw is fairly open and his heavy groundstrokes should prove too much. If you’re looking for a sleeper in that section, try Gael Monfils, whose game is well-suited to the Open hardcourts.

Federer vs. Roddick will draw huge ratings and a raucous crowd. Fans and his big serve aside, Roddick’s game has never really stung Federer in the past and it’s hard to see it happening this year. Call it Federer in four sets, with the first two very competitive before Federer pulls away.

And more about meat.

The top story from today's Allentown (Pa.) Morning Call tells you everything you need to know about my old neck of the woods. Apparently, Yocco's, the self-anointed Hot Dog King, will be taking a year off from vending chili-slathered treats at the Allentown Fair. No tragic reason -- just a little water damage, dry rot, and loose seams on the Yocco tent, which was in storage since last year's fair. But apparently, this is a rare, irreplacable tent. No chance they could, say, rent a plain white tent and slap a Yocco's sign on the front.

Now I know what you're thinking -- all that fuss over hot dogs? I mean, they look, eh, less than appetizing. But if you've ever tasted a Yocco's hot dog, or four or five, you understand why this is competing for space on the front page. I had four on Satudray, with an order of pierogies, and they were as distinctively delicious as they were when I first tasted them on Liberty Street as a 10-year-old. As the ad says, "The secret sauce is one of a kind." Then again, it's not like they're going out of business. They have five or six shops around the Lehigh Valley, ready to feed your fix as soon as you leave the fair. And if you're lucky enough to live in Bethlehem, you can just go to Potts, which wins the prize for best Lehigh Valley doggie shop slogan: "Bite the one you love."

Is the sky falling? Is it?

Earlier in the week I was thinking about making a similar post to EJ's recent lesson in pessimism. I was going to note that we don't have a true stud starter, and that its just unrealistic to think that Pedro will be strong enough in October to give more than 6 very good innings. I was going to mention that the Sanchez cab accident was huge, and that on top of that I thought it was a mistake to give up Nady for a 42 year old pitcher with a 1.6 WHIP. I was going to say that Aaron Heilman hasn't been living up to expectations, and that our corner outfielders these days are some combination of Endy Chavez (who has actually been way better than anyone could have expected), Lastings Milledge (not ready for prime time - yet), Ricky Ledee and Michael Tucker.

Then I realized something. The Metros lost their first three games of last week's Phillies series by a combined 27 to 4, and I didn't flinch. I truly could not have cared less. When I looked at the last game and didn't mind if they lost again and got swept by their division rivals, I realized that I was in unchartered territory.

The Mets have made this a laugher. They are winning over 60% of their games. 14 game division lead. 8 game lead for home field advantage. According to the nerds at Baseball Prospectus, they have a 99.99% chance of making the playoffs. That number has been up over 95% since mid-June, when they ripped off an 8-1 road trip to complete a 17-6 tear to take control of the NL East.

This season doesn't have much precedent for a 29 year old Met fan. The 1999 and 2000 incarnations were great teams, filled with players to root for. But that was different, as they were battling for a playoff spot the whole time. In fact, the 1999 team barely made the wild card, while this year's team is likely to finish with a nearly identical record, having not played a meaningful game since July.

So how is a Met fan to react? In 1999, you were watching every game. You were living and dying with each leadoff walk and botched sacrifice bunt. At work or in school, you knew who they were playing that night, who was on the mound, the status of all injuries, etc. And resultingly, those teams became beloved.

That behavior will happen again this year, but not until the playoffs. I just wonder what the 2006 team's legacy will be. They have the most likeable Met in history (Wright), the charismatic superstar (Pedro), good guy veterans (Floyd, Glavine, Delgado), exciting young players (Reyes, Milledge), and even a classic New York type (Lo Duca). And while their huge leads are more the result of the rest of the league sucking, they still have played well. If they were actually being pushed, its likely that their record would be even better.

I'm a San Franciscan, so I don't read the NY papers or listen to the Fan, but the impression that I'm getting out here is that Mets fans are all in agreeance with EJ. They spend their time worried about the bullpen arms and a righthanded bat off the bench. So to the Mets fan(s) reading this, I'd suggest you take the time now and again to appreciate this team. As we know all too well, a team this good does not come along very often.

Oh, and by way of a postscript, I feel I should respond to EJ's post. The Mets are going to play the Cardinals, the Dodgers, and likely either the Padres or the Reds. None of those teams have a real difference-making ace. I'd say the closest to that is Chris Carpenter, or possibly Brad Penny. Do they scare you? Penny has a 3.7 ERA. Who else will they be facing? Aaron Harang? Bronson Arroyo? Jake Peavy? The Mets should destroy those guys. And our pitching is fine. We continue to have the best ERA in the league, second in batting average allowed.

I think the Mets should be very strong in the playoffs. I'm glad Pedro won't touch a ball during August. That would be my plan even if he wasn't injured. And at the World Series level, well, I'll just say that anything can happen in baseball. Since 1990, 10 of the last 15 World Series' have been won by the team with the lesser regular season record. Not to say that the regular season record necessarily shows which team is better, but the bottom line is that the Mets could not possibly be worse than a 55-45 underdog in any series. Frankly, I'll take those odds. You just don't know when (or if) your team will be there again.

Maybe it's not completely my fault. I've been conditioned to think this way. I've watched the Mets incomprehensibly blow the wild card in 1999, seen 75 different sets of closers fail against the Braves and Yankees, and have seen the Jets lose in so many creative and surreally painful ways (1986 AFC Divisional, the Marino fake spike, the missed FGs against the Steelers) I've started to block them out.

It's just this simple -- the Mets are due for a postseason collapse. Considering that Budds is a Royals fan, all these complaints are admittedly small and relatively insignificant. But this team is doomed. I can't believe they're going to win the NL by 10 games (and the NL East by 15) and still not make the World Series. It's painful.

The offense is fine. Delgado is having a subpar season and he's still going to end up with 35 homers and 110 RBIs, and Reyes, Wright, Beltran and Captain Red Ass have had superb years.

But the pitching is a problem, and very few teams have offenses good enough to make up for a weak pitching staff. Losing Duaner Sanchez was a huge blow. With he, Heilman and Wagner, the Mets only needed their starters to go six innings and they could lock up a game. Losing Sanchez means the Mets need more from their starters, but the starters don't have more to give.

Glavine, by all accounts, has had a great year. He started great and, after a midseason swoon, seems back on track. But he's a six-inning, two- or three-runs per game pitcher. And he's the best the Mets have. Obviously Pedro is the big piece of this puzzle. If he doesn't get healthy and build up his arm strength for the postseason, the Mets are sunk. He's the only pitcher on the staff that other teams fear. They respect Glavine but he rarely just shuts the opposition down for eight innings. Pedro can.

Trachsel is basically a five-inning pitcher nowadays, and if he does work into the seventh you're looking at a four-hour game (and no one wants that). Duque has been solid for the most part -- had a good run of seven-inning, three-runs-allowed games there -- but just gets lit up once every few starts. Like 11 runs allowed in four innings kind of lit up. This scares me. John Maine has indisputably been the team's best starter for the past month, but will other teams catch on to him (as happens to a lot of young pitchers)? If not, do you dump Trachsel or Hernandez and start Maine in Game 3 (assuming Pedro can go in Game 1)?

It's a lot of ifs and question marks, all in all. The good news is that the NL is relatively weak, so it's not out of the question for the Mets to make the World Series. And once you're there, you just need a couple of guys to get hot for five or six games, or two pitchers to be lights out. It could happen. I just think I'm more of a wishful thinker than a believer.

When I was a senior in high school in beautiful Wyomissing, PA, I was quite a stud. Two way starting lineman for a powerhouse team that the previous year had gone 11-1 and won the district title by 37 points (ignore the fact that the team went 6-4 during my senior year). I don't know how to put this, but I was kind of a big deal.

That season, the other tackle on Wyo's offensive line was sophomore Ross Tucker. The newspaper used to call us "NFL-caliber bookends to the Spartans' offensive line." (Mind you, this is before the days of the internet, so there is no way to verify that the newspapers say that. I burnt all of the microfiche records of the Reading Eagle from 1994. There's no way to prove that they said that, but there's also no way to prove that they didn't.) Anycrap, the sad fact is that only one of us fulfilled his NFL potential. Ross has become a journeyman NFL lineman, playing for the Redskins, Cowboys, Patriots, and a season as a (pretty much) full time starter for the Bills. I ran across his name again this morning. It sounds like he'll get a shot at starting for the Browns, now that Alonzo Ephraim has joined the growing list of Ohioan athletes behaving badly.

The read on Ross is that he's not the strongest or most athletic guy, but he'll out-work and out-think almost any other lineman. He's a Princeton grad, and one that probably would have had a shot at being admitted even had he not been an athlete. He's perfect for a situation like this, as he'll be quick to pick up the offense and fill in.

So here's an official 'Meat good luck wish to Ross.

When the NFL opens in a few weeks, the list of starting quarterbacks likely will include four players who were never drafted and six chosen in the fifth round or later. On the other hand, exactly half will be former first-round picks. A little more than half (18) will be players who attended colleges in the BCS conferences, but there will also be two Division I-AA alums and a former Division II star. It’s fascinating that so many different roads can lead to the most coveted spots in football. Which leads me to my trivia question:

What two colleges have more than one alum projected to start as an NFL quarterback on opening week in September?

Since the Mets are 9-1/2 games up for home-field advantage and I have no clue of how to deal with prosperity, I'll instead turn my thoughts to the first weekend of the NFL preseason. Yeah, it's only preseason but since football is the only sporting season that doesn't run too long (well, other than Dick Cheney octogenarian hunting season), it's worth checking out.

And since RW's bachelor party (kudos to Buddha for his work in making it happen) has robbed me of my ability for long-term thought and writing in coherent sentences, I'll resort to notes and bullet points:

1. As Deadspin so eloquently put it, a Raccoon ran over a man this weekend. T-Rac (seriously? this first initial-first syllable of last name thing has to stop), the Tennessee Titans' mascot hit Saints QB Adrian McPherson with a golf cart while handing out T-shirts, officially making this incident McPherson's most embarassing ever (easily eclipsing getting booted out of FSU). This is ridiculous on any level, but how pissed must the Saints be? It's one thing to get hurt on a sack or in a pile, another when hit by poorly named mascot. Of course, this will likely be how Chad Pennington gets injured somewhere down the road.

2. Speaking of, on Saturday everything I read was how excited the Jets were that Pennington took a hit and didn't go down for the season. Of course, they scored three points so maybe that was the highlight. Ugh.

3. The Titans' Randy Starks was suspended for his team's first preseason game for allegedly assualting his fiancee, adding to a rough offseason for the NFL. The new commish would do well to address the number of arrests, detainments and taserings of NFL players recently. It's getting a little out of hand. On the upside, by turning himself in R-Stark did avoid the wrath of T-Rac's out-of-control cart racing.

A few days ago, cnnsi.com had a photo gallery of the best rookie closers of all time, due to the success of Little Papi. Looking through brought up a couple of familiar names, and one in particular that stood out: Billy Koch. The reason that his name stood out is that he is still relatively young, and I hadn't heard his name in ages. Don’t get me wrong, I always thought he was overrated and basically sucked, but that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t have a major league job. For some reason, I equate him to Jason Isringhausen – also a crappy closer, but he surely can pitch in the majors.

Anyhow, I did a quick search and his stats show that his last game was in 2004. As usual, Wikipedia saved the day, reporting that Koch was signed by the Blue Jays after 2004, but released during spring training. When that happened, he vowed not to sign with another team in order to leave the Blue Jays on the hook for the year’s salary. Further, he attended a Blue Jays-Devil Rays game and heckled the Jays. Certainly a classy move, but not the reason for the post.

The last sentence of his entry casually mentions that Koch’s family claims to suffer from Morgellons Disease. Has anyone heard of this? It is a disease for which there is no medical explanation. Koch’s wife says that symptoms include “matter and black specks coming out and off my skin.” These filaments “literally ooze out of [her] skin.” For Billy, this led to “uncontrollable muscle twitching,” which is at least partly blamed for his prolonged absence from baseball (and presumed retirement). It sounds almost X-Files-ish. This is all well and good. Koch may or may not be a weirdo. Why am I posting? Because Morgellons disease is found in two places – Florida and THE BAY AREA. In totally-related news, I’m going to be moving. Soon. Somewhere. Away from San Francisco. The truth may be out there, but I’m outta here.

Hey, it may be old news, but it still made me chuckle: a little something you might not have known about everyone's favorite 16-game loser, Jose Lima.

Flipping through the channel quide on digital cable tonight, I came across Basketball Diaries, the Leonardo DiCaprio movie with the oh-so-awful basketball scenes -- right up there with Teen Wolf and American History X for poorly executed (but hi-larious, I'm talkin' Hee-Haw funny) sports action sequences.

Anyway, this got me thinking of another flick I caught on cable on a rainy day a few weeks back: Paper Lion. Made in 1968, it's based on the George Plimpton book of the same name, in which Plimpton trained with the Detroit Lions as a reserve quarterback and actually took a few snaps during a scrimmage. I was impressed by the action scenes, particularly at the end of the movie, when the Lions scrimmage the St. Louis Cardinals. Very NFL-Films-ish. Alex Karras plays a prominent role, though he lacks the refined acting talent that would eventually shine through in his Webster days. Vince Lombardi does a cameo early on, and Jim Hart, who I recognized from my football card collecting days, quarterbacks the Cardinals.

Alan Alda, in the role of Plimpton, is one convincing wimpy quarterback, lining up to take the snap from the guard, before that gag became cliche, and generally running around like he was about to soil himself. I highly recommend checking it out.

I have nothing coherent here, but since I don't remember our radio show being completely coherent either, I thought I'd run with it. So here goes some random thoughts for discussion:

1. How many Bengals can get arrested in one year? This has been my favorite story of the offseason. Is anyone watching over these guys? Are they trying to imitate the 1990s Cowboys but without the Super Bowl rings? Will this affect their season in a very competitive NFC North (remember, this team, not the Steelers, won the North last year)?

2. Any premature NFL Playoff picks? With very little research I'll go Cowboys, Vikings, Panthers and Seahawks, with the Falcons and Redskins taking the wild cards in the NFC. In the AFC, let's say Pats, Steelers, Colts and Broncos (I know, very risky picks) with the Chargers and Bengals as the wild cards.

3. The Jets are gonna be bad. I mean, really bad. I'm setting myself up for a painfully long season.

4. In baseball thoughts, the Cy Young races are downright wacky. No one in the NL is making a stong push, and the likely leader right now -- Brandon Webb -- is injured. In the AL the top three contenders (or at least three of the top four if you include Roy Halladay) are rookies: Justin Verlander of the Tigers, Liriano with the Twins (also injured) and Papelbon with the Red Sox. It'll be interesting to see if the Tigers desire to keep Verlander's innings down will affect the race going forward.

5. Nice to see Mets fans cheering Piazza and Cameron last night. I doubt Phillies fans would have done the same.

In Warren Moon's Hall of Fame induction speech today, he said that he was humbled by his induction. Am I the only one who hears that and wonders what the hell that means? You're humbled by that? How does that humble you? Nothing about receiving an honor suggests that your reaction should be an increase in humility. When I hear that, I automatically presume that the speaker means the exact opposite. That's right, I consider Warren Moon to be a ginormous dick.

A simple news search show that the following people are among the literally hundreds who have been recently quoted as being humbled by an honor:

• Lesley Visser, by receiving the Pete Rozelle Radio-Television Award at the HOF
• Troy Aikman, by his HOF induction
• Will Arnett, by his Emmy Nomination
• Trevor Immelman, by his victory in the Western Open (an out and out accomplishment -- not even an award given to him by others)
• Barbera Pickens, by her election as 2nd Vice President of the North Carolina Sheriff's Associations

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. So is it just me? I'll admit it - I do not receive many honors or awards. But when I do, my head swells to the size of a Macy's parade float. And I'm humbled when I realize how much I suck at ... well, any of the various things at which I suck. Boy, that last sentence sure didn't come out right.

Anyhow, I'm taking a stand. This faux self-humbling must stop. I therefore declare a War on Fake Humility. Readers, join me in fighting the good fight. With your help, this War can be won.

Is there anything worse than listening to Mike and the Mad Dog when it’s only Mike OR the Mad Dog? My preference is for Dog only, but maybe the drive home today will tip the scales the other way. It’s amazing that two guys who are so entertaining together can be so maddeningly dull when flying solo. September cannot come soon enough.

Another sign that the summer heat is reaching its peak – NFL training camps, accompanied by gems like these:

“As far as explosiveness and continuity, we have here, it's very similar (to St. Louis). Adding Edge to the mix reminds me of what we had in St. Louis when we got Marshall (Faulk). It feels very much the same, but that team was great because we finished. That is what this team is lacking right now. If we do that, we could be really special.”
Kurt Warner, assessing the Cardinals in an interview with the Arizona Republic.

“We are a talented team. We might be more talented than we were when we had T.O. We know the caliber athlete that he was, but again we have to remember that’s one person. … One person doesn’t make a team. A team makes a team.”
Donovan McNabb, talking about his Eagles with PTI sub Dan LeBatard.

“We’ve got a great defense, a great running game. We just need to add a little bit to the passing game. You know, I don’t need to win the games. I’ve just got to play field position in some games, maybe take chances in other games. I’ve got a lot of great people around me.”
Rex Grossman, previewing the Bears’ season on PTI.

"I really feel like this is, as far as talent is concerned, the most talented team that I've been a part of as a whole."
Brett Favre, talking about this year’s Packers in an interview with the Appleton, Wis., Post-Crescent.

“I didn't go out and give it my all, which was disrespectful to my teammates, disrespectful to my coaches, myself and my family. I'll never do that again. I just played to play, going through the motions. But I've matured. I'm bigger than that now.”
Michael Vick in USA Today, atoning for his shortcomings in last season’s finale against Carolina, a 44-11 Falcons loss.

Ah, one of these things is not like the others. The power of positive thinking – or in Favre’s case, delusion – is strong this time of year, particularly among quarterbacks, who are appointed to spread the good vibes in August to the eager scribes. So Vick’s mini-apology hovered like a dark cloud in the perfect periwinkle skies of NFL camp-land. It’s easy to jump all over Vick for taking a breather in a less-than-meaningful game, but let’s be realistic. Have you put your all into every meeting/spreadsheet/report/insert-work-related-item-here that ever popped up your calendar? OK, maybe you’re always on for “game day,” but even the most motivated among us take it easy for the work equivalent of a practice once in a while. Maybe Vick’s apology is a sign that it was more than a one-day thing, or maybe he just needed to get it off his chest. Either way, his quote will soon be forgotten, just like the irrationally rosy comments of his quarterback mates.