Sportsmeat

My fellow prognosticators are stuck in traffic, ate too much at Christmas and have already started boozing in anticipation of New Year's Eve. That, and the fact that half the teams don't care and we won't know which might care until after the Giants-Redskins on Saturday, the NFL pride-point picks will be suspended for this week, picking up again next week with the latest and greatest playoff edition.

And, as my last post of 2006, let me leave you with this: Mike Tyson was arrested for drunk driving and cocaine possession. This portends well for 2007.

Happy New Year everyone. All aboard the Jet bandwagon.

-) I’m pretty convinced that the Giants are the most interesting team in the NFL this year. Not the best (hard to be at 7-8) or the most disappointing (Panthers) or the most likely to commit a felony (Bengals), but there’s a lot there. They start 6-2 against a brutal schedule and fall into a tailspin; they lead the NFL in personal fouls despite having a coach that preaches discipline; sustain an unconscionable number of injuries to big-time players like Toomer, Pettitgout and Strahan; blame the media for their meltdown (this is when I turned on them); dealt with Eli Manning playing like the 28th best quarterback in the NFL while the draft picks the Gints traded to get him (which became Philip Rivers, Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding) all become Pro Bowlers; and had the whole Tiki Barber retirement thing.

That’s the stuff of the Karl Malone-Shaq-Kobe-Glove Lakers. What a disaster. And they still control their fate (well, unless the Packers win and 10 other things go right) for the playoffs. They could lose 27-7 as easily as they could win 41-10. I have no idea, but I do know that Gints-Skins is the Game of the Week, which is crazy for a 7-8 team and a 5-10 team. They play Saturday night and the postseason fate of four other teams (which means whether we should care about four other games on Sunday) rests in the balance. With all apologies to Big Thunder, the Rog and Joe D’s parents, here’s hoping the Giants lose, if only to make Sunday more interesting.

-) Interesting Giants tidbit courtesy the NY Times. The Giants have played eight games against the five teams that have clinched playoff berths in the NFC so far. That’s unbelievable. Not that they’ve done much to create their own luck, but this team has not caught a break this year.

Also interesting, the Patriots will likely host either the Broncos or Jets in the first round of the playoffs. Both teams have already won in Foxboro this year.

-) The Bengals now qualify as the most disappointing team in the AFC. It should probably be the Steelers, but at least the Steelers haven’t routinely embarrassed themselves and the league with multiple arrests. And there is way too much talent on that Cincinnati team not to be in the playoffs.

-) I’m very worried about the Jets-Raiders game. I really have no reason to be, since Oakland can’t score, but the Jets have had much bigger meltdowns than this in the past. That said, if the Jets make the playoffs, Mangini has to be Coach of the Year. Sean Payton will get it, and he’s definitely worthy of the award, but 1) the NFC is awful and 2) despite an easy schedule, the Jets just aren’t that good but Mangini has them winning routinely. This team going 10-6 is way behind any best-case scenario I had for the season.

-) Also nervous about the Yankees and Barry Zito. One, the Mets really need a non-geezer as a bridge between Pedro-Glavine-El Duque and Humber-Pelfrey-Maine-Perez, and two, I really like Zito and don’t want to see him in pinstripes.

For those of you keeping score at home, this is Sportsmeat's 100th post. And it comes on a good week for the 'meat prognosticators. Big Thunder and Snoop posted perfect weeks in the NFL pick 'em, and E.J., Dave Law, and Y.A. Shoes each went 3-for-4. PP updates coming soon.

Also, in the Sportsmeat Bowl Season Pride Point Spectacular, through seven games E.J. is the leader with six correct picks. Complete standings:

6 - E.J.
5 - Big Thunder, Dave Law, Snoop
4 - Maxipriest
3 - Joey D., Budds
2 - Y.A. Shoes

No, this is not the Budds homestead (it's an old neighbor's place in the Christmas City). Wishing all the best to you and yours. My computer access will be limited in the next week, so don't expect too much in the way of updates. Cheers!

In honor of Allen “A.I./The Answer/Me, Myself, and” Iverson finding a new home, I’m counting down my five favorite sports nicknames. Feel free to add your own.

5. I-29
Bill Pecota, the well-traveled former Royals infielder, was named after the interstate that runs between Kansas City and Omaha, where the Royals’ AAA affiliate played. Much better than Desi “Pa. Turnpike Northeast Extension” Relaford.

4. The Microwave
Vinnie Johnson’s nickname allegedly came from Danny Ainge, who noticed the little shooting guard’s uncanny ability to heat up quickly after coming off the bench. The fact that Rog used the same term to describe passing gas in bed and holding his girlfriend’s head under the sheets has more than a little to do with my including this nickname.

3. The Little Ball of Hate
Pat Verbeek – yes, a hockey reference on Sportsmeat – got this moniker after teammate Ray Ferraro was dubbed “the Big Ball of Hate.” Ferraro, incidentally, has one of the better nicknames in the sportscasters’ world: “Chicken Parm.”

2. The Herminator
The indefatigable Hermann Maier, star of the Nagano games, was a bricklayer before he became a pro skier. I know this because Foamdust said so. If that’s not true, take it up with him.

1. The Bayonne Bleeder
Boxer Chuck Wepner, one of New Jersey’s finest heavyweights, earned this nickname for his propensity to, well, bleed. His brutal 15-round match against Muhammad Ali in 1975 inspired the first Rocky movie. He bears no responsibility for the future films, though, as he never got another title shot, never fought a wrestler, never went to the U.S.S.R., and never did whatever Rocky does in the ill-advised sixth installment.

What? I couldn't think of a name for the post. Its NFL picks time:

At Jacksonville - 3 New England
At Denver - 3 Cincinnati
San Diego - 4.5 at Seattle
At Dallas - 7 Philadelphia


BBDLPFFTAG takes Jacksonville, Cincinnati, San Diego and Philadelphia, and declares "Down with Romo."

EJCIV takes Pats, Bengals, Chargers and Eagles and declares "Down with Harrington."

BT takes Pats, Bengs, Seas, and Eags, and declares "Down with Love." What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good romantic comedy.

Things you should know about poinsettias (with thanks to Wikipedia)
- named after Joel Roberts Poinsett, a U.S. ambassador to Mexico who introduced the flower to the United States
- if eaten, they may cause diarrhea and vomiting
- official flower of the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
- if you don't get your picks in for the Sportsmeat Bowl Season Pride Point Spectacular before kickoff of the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, you're missing out on loads of pride points, and possibly a bottle of MD 20/20.

So far, Dave Law, Snoop, Budds, Big Thunder, and E.J. are in.

Teams poised to be upset: TCU, Rice, South Florida, Hawaii, Central Michigan, Rutgers, Clemson, Oregon St., South Carolina, Boston College, Texas, Auburn, Southern Miss, and Ohio State.
Why? These teams were chosen unanimously by five 'meaters to win (or in Ohio State's case, cover).

Snoop and E.J. led the week's NFL pick 'em with four correct picks each. Points updated at left.

Playoff races, Garden Brawls and I had an entire Sunday with nothing to do so I could watch six hours of football—uninterrupted. Excellent weekend all the way around.

Thoughts and questions on the weekend passed:

-) I haven’t had as much fun watching football in a long time as I did watching the first half of the Jets-Vikings game (I’m sure Budds feels the same about the fourth quarter of the Eagles-Giants game). Aside from the opening two minutes, the Jets executed perfectly, Mike Nugent was hitting 50-yard-plus field goals (he should be in the Pro Bowl, by the way, as should Laveranues Coles and safety Kerry Rhodes) and the defense wasn’t allowing anything. Awesome to watch, especially for a team I had pegged to go 4-12.

Now comes the AFC wild-card run. The Jets hold zero tiebreakers so they basically need to win out to finish at 10-6, and hope two of the three following scenarios happen—the Bengals lost two of three, the Broncos lost one of two, and/or the Jags lose one of two. Could all happen, particularly since the Bengals and Broncos play next week. Of course, this is all predicated on the Jets winning in Miami this weekend.

-) I haven’t done a lot of rooting for the Eagles over the years, but I found myself rooting for Jeff Garcia on Sunday. He seems like a really good dude who got a raw deal in San Fran, Cleveland and Detroit, and he played like a Top 10 QB against the Giants. I’m not among the people who think Donovan McNabb is overrated, so I’m really impressed with what the Eagles are doing right now. The biggest reason why is that Garcia hasn’t been much of a drop-off.

And now the Eagles have set up the best game of next weekend, against the Cowboys with the division title on the line. The 7-7 Giants, meanwhile, are still in position to make the playoffs if they win out.

-) Speaking of Cowboys, Terrell Owns made another statement for least likable athlete ever when he spit in DeAngelo Hall’s face Saturday night, then didn’t even apologize for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Hall is pretty obnoxious and in some ways this is akin to dumping water on Tim McCarver, but spitting on someone is just pathetic. Not that sucker punching him would have been any better (in fact, it’s worse if you pull a Carmelo Anthony, sucker punch someone and then go running for your bench), but it’s still pathetic.

This got me thinking about who is the less likable professional athlete, Owens or Barry Bonds? I think you can make a strong case for either. My figuring is that Owens is actually less professional and a bigger cancer in the clubhouse. But at least he’s not a cheat. Owens is in incredible physical condition (I chalk it up to sit-ups in his driveway) and has played through some nasty injuries. Bonds took steroids and all sorts of other crap so he could break a home run record set by another cheat, Mark McGwire. Just sad.

-) Speaking of people who suck, back to Anthony. Like Stephen Jackson in the Artest brawl (say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, at least Artest had a reason to go into the stands), Anthony was the most obvious offender in this one. 1) He threw a sucker punch, which is always cowardly; 2) he then backpedaled as fast as he could to his own bench, which is even more cowardly; and 3) the whole fight was under control before he went after Mardy Collins. I understand small suspensions (less than five games) for J.R. Smith, Nate Robinson and Collins, but I’d give Anthony 20 games. 15 games minimum.

By the way, best part of that fight was Jared Jeffries grabbing on to Eduardo Najera’s shorts while going after Anthony. What the hell was he trying to do there? High comedy.

More 'meaty goodness in this week's Pride Point NFL Pick 'Em:

The We Used To Play Where You Play Bowl
BALTIMORE 11 Cleveland

The We Played In L.A. Before Paris and Britney Bowl
OAKLAND 2½ St. Louis

The Win Out and Make the Playoffs (Maybe) Bowl
MINNESOTA 3½ NY Jets

The We All Live in New Jersey, Can't We All Just Get Along Bowl
NY GIANTS 5½ Philadelphia

The Monday Night Crew Gushing Over QBs Not Named Favre Bowl
INDIANAPOLIS 3 Cincinnati

Big Thunder picks Baltimore, St. Louis, Minnesota, NY Giants, and Cincinnati.
Budds picks Baltimore, St. Louis, Minnesota, Philadelphia, and Indianapolis.
E.J. picks Cleveland, St. Louis, NY Jets, NY Giants, and Indianapolis.

In the grand tradition of WFAN-caller-proposed trades ("What about Steve Francis for Iverson, and we throw in Malik Rose as a sweetnah?"), I am adding a little sugar to the pot for the Sportsmeat Bowl Season Pride Point Spectacular: Winner gets a free MD 20/20, redeemable the next time you hang out with me (me being Budds). C'mon, you know you want that sweet Banana Red nectar. So make your picks by Dec. 19. Winning a three-man bowl pool? Not so much pride. Winning a nine-man pool? A little more pride. And now, cheap wine as well.

So I got stuck at the gym last night under the two TVs showing Entertainment Tonight, which means I had to come up with something else to do to waste 30 minutes on a treadmill. For my answer, I decided to figure out which was the biggest (i.e., most important to fans) sports team in every city that has at least two major sports franchises. Feel free to disagree, but here’s what I got:

Atlanta – Braves
Baltimore – Ravens
Boston – Red Sox
Buffalo – Bills
Charlotte - NASCAR
Chicago - Cubs
Cincinnati – Reds
Cleveland - Browns
Dallas – Cowboys
Denver - Broncos
Detroit – Red Wings
Houston - Astros
Indianapolis – Motor Speedway
Kansas City - Chiefs
Los Angeles - Lakers
Miami – Dolphins
Milwaukee – Bob Uecker
Minneapolis – Twins
Nashville – Hank Williams’ MNF song
New Orleans - Saints
New York – Yankees
Newark, NJ – Devils
Oakland - Raiders
Philadelphia - Eagles
Pittsburgh – Steelers
Phoenix - Suns
San Diego – Chargers
San Francisco – 49ers
Seattle – Supersonics
St. Louis – Cardinals
Tampa – Buccaneers
Toronto – Maple Leafs
Washington - Redskins

The final score, assuming my quick count is correct, is: NFL – 16; MLB – 9; NBA – 3; NHL – 3; Racing – 2.

The toughest choices were Chicago (a three-way race between the Cubs, Bears and Bulls, in that order), and Boston and Los Angeles (the Red Sox were a clear winner, but the Celtics are huge, too; you could say the same with the Lakers and Dodgers in LA). Others were tough because no one really cares all that much (Atlanta, San Diego, Nashville – though Vince Young will change that). In others, I went with the Chiefs over the Royals in K.C. because they Royals have nearly faded from consciousness and the Astros over the Rockets pretty much solely based on the fact that Bad News Bears II was filmed in the Astrodome.

I’m really not so sure on Seattle, but since the Sonics are the only team with a title, they get the nod. And the most surprising is probably Baltimore – logic would say the Orioles but people down there seem to get a lot more fired up over the Ravens. Go figure.

As to the largest, that was an easy call. New York City has the Giants, Islanders, Jets, Knicks, Mets and Yankees, but the Yanks are easily No. 1. I’d probably put the Knicks at No. 2. I will now light myself on fire.

So you're a Bills fan, waiting to go into Sunday's Jets game, knowing that you're about to absorb abuse for that McGahee jersey you're wearing. How do you prepare yourself?


Bowling ball shot. Genius.

This week's point results: Snoop goes four-for-four, everyone else wins at least two. We're not half bad at this, I guess. Updates at left.

Sorry so tardy. This week's NFL pick 'em:
CAROLINA 2½ NY Giants
DALLAS 7 New Orleans
KANSAS CITY 3 Baltimore
SAN FRANCISCO 4½ Green Bay

BT: Giants, Saints, Ravens, 49ers.
BBD: Giants, Saints, Chiefs, 49ers
EJ: Panthers, Saints, Chiefs, Packers

Apologies for bumping BT's very worthy meat tribute down a bit with this massive post, but we're stretching the limits of your attention spans with a contest to pick every single last one of the 32 Division I-A bowl games -- the most grueling Pride Point challenge in the brief but illustrious history of Sportsmeat. For the non-BCS bowls, we're not considering point spreads, and each correct pick is worth one point. In BCS games, we're picking with the spread, and correct picks are worth two points. The grand champion gets 10 bonus points and year-long bragging rights; post your picks in a comment before the Poinsettia bowl kicks off Dec. 19.

S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl	TCU vs. Northern Illinois
Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl	BYU vs. Oregon
R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl	Rice vs. Troy
Papajohns.com Bowl	South Florida vs. East Carolina
New Mexico Bowl	New Mexico vs. San Jose State
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl	Tulsa vs. Utah
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl	Arizona State vs. Hawaii
Motor City Bowl	Mid. Tennessee vs. Cent. Michigan
Emerald Bowl	Florida State vs. UCLA
PetroSun Independence Bowl	Oklahoma State vs. Alabama
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl	California vs. Texas A&M
Texas Bowl	Rutgers vs. Kansas State
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl	Clemson vs. Kentucky
Brut Sun Bowl	Oregon State vs. Missouri
AutoZone Liberty Bowl	Houston vs. South Carolina
Insight Bowl	Texas Tech vs. Minnesota
Champs Sports Bowl	Purdue vs. Maryland
Meineke Car Care Bowl	Navy vs. Boston College
Alamo Bowl	Texas vs. Iowa
Chick-fil-A Bowl	Georgia vs. Virginia Tech
MPC Computers Bowl	Miami vs. Nevada
Outback Bowl	Tennessee vs. Penn State
AT&T Cotton Bowl	Auburn vs. Nebraska
Toyota Gator Bowl	West Virginia vs. Georgia Tech
Capital One Bowl	Arkansas vs. Wisconsin
International Bowl	Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan
GMAC Bowl	Ohio vs. Southern Miss
BCS GAMES
Rose Bowl presented by Citi	USC +1 Michigan
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl	Boise State +8.5 Oklahoma
FedEx Orange Bowl	Louisville -9.5 Wake Forest
Allstate Sugar Bowl	Notre Dame +8.5 LSU
Tostitos BCS Championship Game	Florida +8 Ohio State

...for my Detroit players. Oh wait, Pam doesn't eat meat. Does she?

But I digress. This post is intended to counteract the east coast meat media bias.

The time? Summer of 2001. BT was a young, impressionable summer associate (what pretentious law firms call interns) in Palo Alto, attending a firm-sponsored cocktail party. After running out of the usual boring chit chat, BT poses this question to one of the firm's partners: "What are the local legendary foods that I must try before I go home for the summer." After some contemplation (which shows you just how little soul the Silicon Valley has), said partner replies with two beautiful words:

Fred Steak.

That's how this beautiful relationship began.

I must first make a confession that might shock you -- I am not a steak fan. That's not to say I don't love meat. I do. But I'd choose a good hamburger (with its cheese/bacon/onion/tomato/avocado/chili/condiments, or some combination thereof) over a plain old steak 99 times out of 100. However, having been told that Fred Steak was the way to go, I had to give it a shot.

So I went to Shaub's in the Stanford Mall to find this enigmatically-named cut of meat (about which, I should note, it is unclear whether it is a Fred's Steak or a Fred Steak; I prefer the latter). Shaub's is a great little butcher shop with fresh meat, about 100 kinds of sausages, and pretty much anything you need to get your grill on. I hungrily walked the row of meat offerings, inspecting the tags on each to find the Fred Steak. As I was fruitlessly searching, the butcher stepped to the counter. "You looking for Fred Steak?" Apparently I hadn't been the first to make the trip. He pointed me to a case of unlabeled offerings. The case held about 30 jet black, slimy looking logs of what I guessed to be meat of some nature. They looked utterly disgusting (like the above picture). I looked questioningly to the butcher. He chuckled. "I'll give you a small one, just in case." By this man's measure, a small Fred Steak was a pound and a half. Though I must admit, I didn't see anything smaller.

I drove home doubtfully, cracked open an oat soda, and threw the Fred Steak in the oven (sadly, I had no grill that summer). The only warning given by the butcher was to be sure not to overcook. I went into the living room to watch some tv, and before I knew it, the entire apartment smelled amazing. As far as I could tell, some herbal elves had magically saturated the steak with savory goodness. I hurried to the kitchen to excitedly check on my meat, only to be knocked down a rung when it looked, well, like this.

Undaunted, I carved off a nice little chunk and took a bite. Heaven. Pure Heaven. The beef is incredibly tender and juicy. The flavor (from a secret marinade that some speculate includes molasses and coffee) was exquisite. The marinade apparently forms some sort of crust that hermetically seals the juices in. A pound and a half of true love.

Fred Steak has since become my go-to meal for big sporting event-watching and tailgating. Its quick and easy to grill, and I've yet to meat a carnivore who doesn't love it. I hereby declare the Fred Steak "The Best (meat) of the West."©

... the Bengals now have as many player arrests this season as wins: Seven. Even the 2-10 Raiders have more wins than arrests, and they have Randy Moss.

UPDATE: As E.J. correctly noted, Seattle was a 3-point favorite, so the game was not a push as previously reported. New score totals are on the way.
While Joey D. may not have been in the loop on the Mad Dog challenge (he picked Louisville, which did cover, but alas gets no points since the idea is to choose a 'dog), Sportsmeat's newest prognosticator had a Romo-esque debut, with seveneight of a possible eight points in the NFL pick 'em. Seattle-Denver was a push, so that's one point for everyone. Another good week for the Law-man, who notched a week-high 10 nine points. Updates at left.

I said it five weeks ago and then kept violating my rule: You can never totally assess the BCS race until the season is over. I learned my lesson again Saturday when UCLA knocked off USC, which last week I (and many others) anointed as the clear No. 2.

This is a season that screams for a four-team playoff (or, this case, a Big 10-SEC Challenge). No one really knows who is better between Michigan and Florida. Both had great seasons; both have one blemish on their records. And as long as you have a loss, your chances for the BCS title game are up in the air. Moreover, I’d accept nearly any argument on the Wolverines’ behalf:

-) That their only loss was on the road, by three points, to the undisputed No. 1 team in the country
-) That they boast wins over two Top 10 caliber teams in Wisconsin and Notre Dame
-) That they were penalized for not playing the last two weeks, and also by the fact that voters didn’t want to see a rematch (though keep in mind that the computers had Florida No. 2)

All are true, and I’m in a 51-49 split in my mind, but I think the BCS (under its current configuration, which only rewards two teams) got it right with Florida. I’ve had the Gators ahead of Michigan since the Wolverines lost to Ohio State on the theory that if Florida won out, they’d deserve it over Michigan. And they do—barely. For me, it comes down to this:

-) Florida won its conference. Ever since the Oklahoma, USC, LSU debacle (when USC was left out), I’ve considered winning your conference as the ultimate tiebreaker. That year USC and LSU won their conferences and Oklahoma did not; I thought the Sooners should have been No. 3. This year Florida won not only their conference, but the best conference (by a good margin) in college football. If Florida had lost to Arkansas, I would have whole-heartedly agreed with Michigan at No. 2. I use the conference winner as a tiebreaker, not an absolute.

-) The Gators had a very impressive season, with wins over LSU at home, Georgia and Arkansas on neutral fields, and Florida State and Tennessee on the road. And don’t dismiss the Florida State win—UCLA-USC taught us that in-state rivalry games are no cinch. Their only loss was at Auburn in a game that was actually closer than Ohio State-Michigan.

-) Florida closed strong. Florida, Michigan and USC all controlled their fates down the stretch. Only the Gators came through.

I don’t blame Michigan fans for being upset. Personally, I’d love to see two games played two weeks from now: LSU at Ohio State and Michigan at Florida. All four would be guaranteed BCS bowl bids, and the winners would go on to play for the national championship. I’m sure Michigan fans would be upset at having to play in the Swamp, but at least they’d have a chance.