Sportsmeat

To revive one of the great segments of the Sportsmeat radio show, I sat down with a handful of 1987 Donruss baseball cards and composed a little poem for your reading pleasure:

Ode to a stack of cards

Whatever happened to ’ol Darrell Porter?
Contact lenses, I guess, must have been on back order.
And where’s Danny Darwin, versatile on the mound?
Through natural selection a fastball he found.
Oh where is the Oriole pitcher Storm Davis?
His real name was George; I feel like he played us.
Where’s Glenallen Hill, the once-smiling rookie,
And the Met centerfielder, the one they call Mookie?
Where is the pitcher named Michael LaCoss,
One-time all-star whose mustache was totally boss?
Where is the White Sox catcher Ron Hassey,
Who knew how to make polyester look classy?
Where’s Julio Franco, bat high in the air?
Oh wait, did I hear he’s still playing somewhere?
Whatever happened to Ken Oberkfell --
The bearded Braves batsman –-
Where is he, pray tell?
Or Franklin Stubbs, the .215 hitter,
Pitcher Bob Shirley, tossing a splitter,
Outfielder Greg Gross, with pinch hits automatic?
They’re all still major leaguers, in a box in the attic.