Friday, March 30, 2007
_____ Packer (Fill in the Blank)
The NCAA tournament is my favorite event of the sporting year. As we all know, this weekend it comes to an end. The Final Four represents the best of times and the worst of times. Best of times: we get to see the ultimate deciding games, (hopefully) played by the best teams (as they are this year). Worst of times: we can't avoid Billy Packer. To paraphrase a buddy of mine, watching the Final Four with Billy Packer is like going to the Gold Club with your Mother-in-law.
I hate Billy Packer. "Hate" is a strong word. It is also one that is completely accurate here. I hate Billy Packer. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of announcers that I dislike. Bill Maas and Dan Dierdorf make me cringe. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver make me feel like I need to take a shower. Sean Salisbury, Chris Berman, Stuart Scott, John Kruk, Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless make me wish that Connecticutt was hurricane country. Joe Morgan . . . well, Joe Morgan is just a world unto himself. But nobody even comes close to Billy Packer.
The reasons for my hate are numerous, and not unique from the reasons of my millions of Packer-hating peers (the first page results of a Google search for "Billy Packer" include pages entitled "Please remove Billy Packer from the airwaves," "Billy Packer Hatred," and "Billy Packer, please retire."). However, I'll list the first few. He is nothing but negative. He brings no joy to the game. He rarely says anything insightful that I did not know or would not have thought about (I say "rarely" because I specifically recall hearing an insightful comment of his two or three years ago. I was shocked. Unfortunately, I haven't heard a second insightful comment before or since.) He spends an inordinate amount of time criticizing calls or missed calls (and this is coming from someone who spends more time bitching about refs than the average fan). He speaks as if all of todays players are unskilled pansies compared to the real men who played in his day. And on and on...
Which is why I was pleased to see the story on Packer's criticism of Rashawn Terry. Now, by way of background, I really dislike UNC. I haven't seen Terry play all that much, so I don't know too much about his game, but he seems pretty decent. Recently, though, he had been out with a strep throat. It was severe enough that he went days without solid food, and lost about 10 pounds. Packer called him soft for not playing hurt. Terry responded:
"Anyone who thinks I'm soft doesn't know s--- about basketball. . . . Soft? That's foolish. It's offensive to be called that. I try not to let that sort of stuff bother me but I will say that if Billy Packer played in my day, I would bust his ass. It would be a massacre."
Now that's my kind of response. Confident. Direct. Angry. He wants to dunk on Packer and then sleep with Packer's daughter. And that's a sentiment we all can get behind.I think on Saturday I may keep a pen and paper by my side just to chronicle Packer's douchenozzlery (asshattery?). Look for a scintillating post next week. Or maybe next month, at the rate I post.
Finally, I'd like to open it up to the floor -- who is your most hated sports announcer?
Labels: Billy Packer, CBS, Dan Dierdorf, Final Four, Joe Morgan, March Madness, NCAA, Rashawn Terry, Sportscasters, Trash Talk
