Sportsmeat

In honor of Allen “A.I./The Answer/Me, Myself, and” Iverson finding a new home, I’m counting down my five favorite sports nicknames. Feel free to add your own.

5. I-29
Bill Pecota, the well-traveled former Royals infielder, was named after the interstate that runs between Kansas City and Omaha, where the Royals’ AAA affiliate played. Much better than Desi “Pa. Turnpike Northeast Extension” Relaford.

4. The Microwave
Vinnie Johnson’s nickname allegedly came from Danny Ainge, who noticed the little shooting guard’s uncanny ability to heat up quickly after coming off the bench. The fact that Rog used the same term to describe passing gas in bed and holding his girlfriend’s head under the sheets has more than a little to do with my including this nickname.

3. The Little Ball of Hate
Pat Verbeek – yes, a hockey reference on Sportsmeat – got this moniker after teammate Ray Ferraro was dubbed “the Big Ball of Hate.” Ferraro, incidentally, has one of the better nicknames in the sportscasters’ world: “Chicken Parm.”

2. The Herminator
The indefatigable Hermann Maier, star of the Nagano games, was a bricklayer before he became a pro skier. I know this because Foamdust said so. If that’s not true, take it up with him.

1. The Bayonne Bleeder
Boxer Chuck Wepner, one of New Jersey’s finest heavyweights, earned this nickname for his propensity to, well, bleed. His brutal 15-round match against Muhammad Ali in 1975 inspired the first Rocky movie. He bears no responsibility for the future films, though, as he never got another title shot, never fought a wrestler, never went to the U.S.S.R., and never did whatever Rocky does in the ill-advised sixth installment.