Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Scene One: The Temptation
I was kicking this idea around while painting last weekend and looking at the ads for Broadway shows on my newsprint dropcloth. So here goes nothing -- Part one of a new Sportsmeat poetry corner feature: Excerpts from "Butt Shots," the new Broadway musical about Roger Clemens' alleged steroid use. Co-writers and editors welcome.
Opening scene
[ROGER is tossing and turning in bed alone. He sits up and stares out the window at the night sky…]
ROGER: They say that every star,
Eventually must dim,
And the star cannot protest,
When it’s happening to him.
Yes, I used to be a hero,
Fanned twenty in a game.
Now I’m wallowing in Canada,
Where they barely know my name.
Oh sure, I’m still an ace,
But an aging one at that.
A has-been who can’t quite come through,
A Casey at the bat.
I need a dose of mojo,
I need, I need it pronto,
Until then I will forever beeeeeeee…
… Sleepless in Toronto.
[Enter MCNAMEE, in corner of stage, lit with red spotlight]
MCNAMEE: (spoken) Maybe I can help.
ROGER: (spoken) Mac? What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?
MCNAMEE: I was locking up the gym,
And heard your sad melody,
So I came up to deliver
A most useful remedy… [pulls out syringe]
ROGER: (spoken) Steroids? You’re not serious…
MCNAMEE: Do you think I would be joking,
With a needle in my pocket?
If you want, we’ll call it “mojo,”
Designed to fuel a Rocket.
ROGER: But won’t it shrink my peanuts,
Or make my head look fat---
MCNAMEE: No, no, don’t even worry,
There’s another pill for that.
ROGER: But does it work for pitchers?
Or just for home-run sluggers?
MCNAMEE: Why don’t you ask your teammates?
Half of them now are druggers.
ROGER: What would the children think?
My hometown cheering section?
Nolan Ryan just used Advil,
Never needed an injection---
MCNAMEE: This is just one man’s opinion
You can call my morals loose,
But if Cy Young would have had the chance,
He would have tried the juice.
[ROGER grabs the syringe, holds it up in the moonlight, and ponders the decision before him. Fade to darkness.]
Opening scene
[ROGER is tossing and turning in bed alone. He sits up and stares out the window at the night sky…]
ROGER: They say that every star,
Eventually must dim,
And the star cannot protest,
When it’s happening to him.
Yes, I used to be a hero,
Fanned twenty in a game.
Now I’m wallowing in Canada,
Where they barely know my name.
Oh sure, I’m still an ace,
But an aging one at that.
A has-been who can’t quite come through,
A Casey at the bat.
I need a dose of mojo,
I need, I need it pronto,
Until then I will forever beeeeeeee…
… Sleepless in Toronto.
[Enter MCNAMEE, in corner of stage, lit with red spotlight]
MCNAMEE: (spoken) Maybe I can help.
ROGER: (spoken) Mac? What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?
MCNAMEE: I was locking up the gym,
And heard your sad melody,
So I came up to deliver
A most useful remedy… [pulls out syringe]
ROGER: (spoken) Steroids? You’re not serious…
MCNAMEE: Do you think I would be joking,
With a needle in my pocket?
If you want, we’ll call it “mojo,”
Designed to fuel a Rocket.
ROGER: But won’t it shrink my peanuts,
Or make my head look fat---
MCNAMEE: No, no, don’t even worry,
There’s another pill for that.
ROGER: But does it work for pitchers?
Or just for home-run sluggers?
MCNAMEE: Why don’t you ask your teammates?
Half of them now are druggers.
ROGER: What would the children think?
My hometown cheering section?
Nolan Ryan just used Advil,
Never needed an injection---
MCNAMEE: This is just one man’s opinion
You can call my morals loose,
But if Cy Young would have had the chance,
He would have tried the juice.
[ROGER grabs the syringe, holds it up in the moonlight, and ponders the decision before him. Fade to darkness.]
Labels: Roger Clemens Musical
# posted by Budds @ 11:59 AM 
