Sportsmeat

This scene is the work of Big Thunder, and it's inspired by Phantom of the Opera. Also coming soon: Scene Three: The Confrontation, which finds our hero (or antihero) in a standoff with Mike Piazza.

Scene Four
[Flash forward to 2007. The investigator, George MITCHELL, wearing a mask covering half his face, lurks in the background of the Yankee clubhouse while MCNAMEE and ROGER are sitting on stools in the foreground]

MITCHELL: Needles, sharpened,
Injected in the buttocks
Can’t help pitchers
What a bunch of bollocks
Suddenly Tejada is hitting it much hard-a...

Slowly, gently,
Mac unfurled his products
Roger eyed them,
They would go in his butt
Turn away your face
Get a grip of your shoelaces
You alone can pitch till forty-five...
And win the Cy Young for a seventh time.

MCNAMEE: [while injecting ROGER's butt]
Close your eyes and surrender to the strongest juice,
Purge your thoughts of the hack you were before,
Just beware that your ass might get quite sore!
And you'll be the douche of baseball lore...

MITCHELL: Pettite, Knobloch,
Sheffield and Giambi,
Justice, Clemens
Who did they play for? See?
Clearly the Bronx Bombers
Cheat worse than Lance Armstrong
Its time to report to the Commish
The New York Yankees should be abolished!

[MITCHELL creeps offstage, jotting his observations on a notepad, eyes darting from side to side]

Labels: Roger Clemens Musical