Wednesday, June 06, 2007
A failure to communicate
The title refers not to my blogging absence (which has been long and indistinguished), but rather to the recent public gaffes and flip-flops of Kobe Bryant, Clinton Portis, Billy Donovan, and others. These are people who have handlers -- agents, p.r. folks, media consultants -- and yet they still manage to make ill-advised decisions or comments that were completely avoidable. So I'm going to spill my mutli-million-dollar idea for all, or both, of the loyal 'meaters out there: ESPN, The Video Game. Basically, it's a role playing game for jocks who aren't sure how their words and actions will be perceived. Say you're thinking about demanding a trade. Log on to your game profile, do an interview with the virtual Stephen A. Smith, and then watch the virtual fallout on PTI. Switching jobs? Call a virtual press conference to get an idea of what questions Andy Katz is likely to ask. Need to vent on why dog fighting's really not that bad? Practice with a virtual cell phone call to Ed Werder. Planning to pass to an open teammate for a game-winning three-pointer? Better run through the scenario during that final timeout, just to get a sense of how guest commentator Jalen Rose might feel about that decision. I think this idea is a slam dunk. The only problem? If people actually used it, there would be almost nothing to report on ESPN, The Television Channel.
A few well-phrased comments from the week's news:
"As admirable as Tim Duncan is, I have no desire to spend the entire offseason listening to how he and the Spurs—and the sainted Gregg Popovich—do things The Right Way, and how they are such good examples to The Children, especially after the way they thugged it up against the Phoenix Suns. The tendency of a trend-drunk media to anoint certain teams as a demonstration of what James Naismith would have called muscular Christianity is one of the more loathsome of our galloping public hypocrisies." -- Charlie Pierce, Slate
"Both Oden and Durant and other teenage prospects had to bivouac in college this year because of the new rule which prohibits players jumping from high school to the NBA. The NCAA is thrilled with this Head Start program for seven-footers, trumpeting it as a boon for education. This is, of course, pure hogwash. Come on. All a player has to do is stay eligible for one semester with the help of baby-sitter tutors, and then keep a bed warm in the dormitory through March Madness." -- Frank Deford, NPR
"[T]he N.F.L. doesn’t really have to worry about where its teams are located, since most games are televised and the bulk of the league’s revenues come from its network contracts. What’s more, with the right stadium deal and enough corporate sponsorship, team owners can make as much (or more) money in smaller cities as they can in larger ones. That’s why the N.F.L. does just fine despite not fielding a team in 21 of the country’s top 50 markets — including such enormous metropolitan areas as San Antonio, Las Vegas, Orlando and (of course) Los Angeles. Nor does the N.F.L., which now has 32 teams, have much incentive to expand. On the contrary: expansion dilutes the TV money." -- Joe Nocera, PLAY (NYT)
The Sportsmeat Pride Point Grand Slam of Golf continues with the U.S. Open next week. Check back on Monday.
Good lines
A few well-phrased comments from the week's news:
"As admirable as Tim Duncan is, I have no desire to spend the entire offseason listening to how he and the Spurs—and the sainted Gregg Popovich—do things The Right Way, and how they are such good examples to The Children, especially after the way they thugged it up against the Phoenix Suns. The tendency of a trend-drunk media to anoint certain teams as a demonstration of what James Naismith would have called muscular Christianity is one of the more loathsome of our galloping public hypocrisies." -- Charlie Pierce, Slate
"Both Oden and Durant and other teenage prospects had to bivouac in college this year because of the new rule which prohibits players jumping from high school to the NBA. The NCAA is thrilled with this Head Start program for seven-footers, trumpeting it as a boon for education. This is, of course, pure hogwash. Come on. All a player has to do is stay eligible for one semester with the help of baby-sitter tutors, and then keep a bed warm in the dormitory through March Madness." -- Frank Deford, NPR
"[T]he N.F.L. doesn’t really have to worry about where its teams are located, since most games are televised and the bulk of the league’s revenues come from its network contracts. What’s more, with the right stadium deal and enough corporate sponsorship, team owners can make as much (or more) money in smaller cities as they can in larger ones. That’s why the N.F.L. does just fine despite not fielding a team in 21 of the country’s top 50 markets — including such enormous metropolitan areas as San Antonio, Las Vegas, Orlando and (of course) Los Angeles. Nor does the N.F.L., which now has 32 teams, have much incentive to expand. On the contrary: expansion dilutes the TV money." -- Joe Nocera, PLAY (NYT)
Coming soon
The Sportsmeat Pride Point Grand Slam of Golf continues with the U.S. Open next week. Check back on Monday.
# posted by Budds @ 1:07 PM 
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I love this idea! This is fun for the whole family (well, if your family is all really into sports). It also got me thinking, what athletes routinely put their feet in their mouths. I'd go like this:
Baseball - Gary Sheffield, from roids to docile Hispanics, this is one guy who never thinks before he speaks.
Basketball -- I'd go with Barkley, but he doesn't ever seem to regret the dumb stuff he says. In his place, we'll go with Artest, who used his suspension to pump his record label.
Football -- Terrell Owens should win, but we'll actually give it to his publicist, who claimed he had 25 million reasons not to commit suicide (as in $25 million). Classy. Honorable mention to Michael Vick and Randy Moss for saying they don't always play hard. That's what fans want to hear.
Golf -- Rory Sabbatini. Is it really a good idea to piss off Tiger Woods? And shouldn't you win more than three tournaments before talking that much junk?
Boxing -- Mike Tyson. He holds a firm grasp on this award in a sport where people say stupid things as routinely as Barry Bonds takes steroids. In fact, he doesn't just put his foot in this mouth, he threatens to eat other boxer' nonexistent children. That's good stuff.
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Baseball - Gary Sheffield, from roids to docile Hispanics, this is one guy who never thinks before he speaks.
Basketball -- I'd go with Barkley, but he doesn't ever seem to regret the dumb stuff he says. In his place, we'll go with Artest, who used his suspension to pump his record label.
Football -- Terrell Owens should win, but we'll actually give it to his publicist, who claimed he had 25 million reasons not to commit suicide (as in $25 million). Classy. Honorable mention to Michael Vick and Randy Moss for saying they don't always play hard. That's what fans want to hear.
Golf -- Rory Sabbatini. Is it really a good idea to piss off Tiger Woods? And shouldn't you win more than three tournaments before talking that much junk?
Boxing -- Mike Tyson. He holds a firm grasp on this award in a sport where people say stupid things as routinely as Barry Bonds takes steroids. In fact, he doesn't just put his foot in this mouth, he threatens to eat other boxer' nonexistent children. That's good stuff.
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