Sportsmeat

Here at Sportsmeat, the Blog, we feel that originality is a trait that is grossly overrated. At least that's how I feel. Therefore, I thought I'd write a post that pretty much any idiot with a computer and a tv could write. The difference between me and the others? I'm your idiot with a computer and a tv.

So here is my recap of Sunday with Directv's Sunday Ticket (and a baseball playoff game to boot). Lots of channel surfing, hitting the best games. You'll note that there are some gaps in time - I actually had to do some work yesterday, so I took some timeouts. You really don't want to read about 10 straight hours of TV watching anyhow. Without more,

o 10:02 - We're starting out with the Giants and the Skins. Big Blue looking to get back on track against a Skins team that seems like they never should win, but they often do. Santana Moss should test the D. Let's see if the coaching staff put the week off to use.

o 10:10 - Giants need a little swagger. It looks like they are just worried that they won’t make it through the first quarter. They seem to be having Seattle flashbacks. They need to be aggressive.

o 10:15 - Beautiful run by Tiki, the kind that we saw regularly last year, and rarely this year. Tiki went for over 200 against the Skins in one of their games last year.

o 10:18 – And Feely caps off a lackluster drive with a missed field goal. Here we go.

o 10:20 – Hey, Joey Harrington is playing! At least I’m not a Dolphins fan. They have to be the most depressed fans in the league.

o 10:24 – Just got the highlight of Vince Young’s first touchdown. Nice run. I don’t think he expected to score, though, because he had not prepared a satisfactory TD dance.

o 10:27 – Poor Daryl Johnston. Stuck with a senile Dick Stockton and semi-retarded Tony Siragusa. Johnston is as good a color guy as anyone, even better than his ex-teammate Aikman.

o 10:29 – Sam Madison actually covers someone for the first time this year, and they still make a completion to Moss. ‘Course, Madison held Moss. God, Madison sucks. And Moss can really play. In other words, not a good matchup for the G-Men.

o 10:30 – Portis makes a nice run. I like him too. The Redskins just have a likeable team, with Moss and Portis, a guy who is slightly less exciting than your grandfather at QB, and everyone’s crazy cousin playing safety and spitting on people. OK, so maybe not totally likeable.

o 10:33 – Fred Smoot is wearing one long sleeve and one short in the Vikings game. Keeping the dream of FloJo alive.

o 10:35 – Man, I really like Drew Brees. The guy just consistently makes good decisions. Plus, he’s tough. I’d honestly take him over Eli right now (and that’s not to knock Eli – I think Brees is probably a top-5 QB).

o 10:38 – I’ve been meaning to say that I absolutely support the slew of Peyton Manning commercials. He’s consistently funny, with the famous “Cut that meat!” spot being the best. But the Gatorade one, with Peyton hatching out of a football in some sort of Under Armour outfit ... Don’t you think it would’ve been better to have someone like LT or Joey Porter? I mean, really? Peyton Manning in the rain?

o 10:41 – I have to admit that I’m not glued to the Giants game like I normally am. That Seattle game took a lot out of me... The season isn’t over, but that defense (and coaching staff) has a lot of changes to make.

o 10:43 – Don’t be fooled by one good game against the Lions. Brett Favre is done. He just made a horrible decision, 2nd and goal from the 8, throwing to a heavily covered receiver while Bubba Franks stood about 8 feet away from that receiver, wide open. Next play, Favre takes a sack. Ugly.

o 10:45 – I’ve always felt that the Cleveland Browns have the best unis in football, especially their home brown. I love the orange helmets as well. Apparently few agree with me, but I just want to make that proclamation. Worst unis? Not sure but I’d put the Patriots up there. Panthers too.

o 10:48 – How old is Corey Schlesinger? And is he actually the same person as Jim Kleinsasser or not? Is he just going from sideline to sideline, changing unis at every possession? No? Didn’t think so.

o 10:50 – One of the best plays in football is when a punt returner muffs the kick, scrambles to pick it up, and you just see 4 very mean, very large men bearing down on him. Always fun. The results this time were not favorable for Mewelde Moore. He’ll feel that in the morning.

o 10:52 – Good lord! Michael Strahan got a sack! I don’t know how to react. ‘Course, the Skins thought it was a good idea to block him with a TE, but still.

o 10:56 – Lance Briggs just picked off Losman with the Bears already up 13-0. The Bears just look fantastic lately, on both sides of the ball. The defense is every bit as good as last year. And it is a team defense – they have about 8 guys who make difference-making plays on a regular basis. Urlacher is just one of them. Atrocious throw by Losman, incidentally.

o 10:59 – Favre just nearly took a sack and then threw a jump ball that was luckily caught. He’s like a circus sideshow, and the fans still love him. Aaron Rodgers should be an experienced NFL starter by now.

o 11:12 – It should be noted that the Titans are beating the Colts 10-0. I’ve hardly watched any of this game. What is going on?

o 11:14 – On 3rd and 8, Siragusa declares “I’m reading pass.” Thanks, Goose. Nice catch by Toomer.

o 11:16 – Vince Young slings a nice 20 yd pass down field. Could it be???

o 11:18 – Just when the Giants make a couple nice plays in the 2:00 drill, Tiki lets it get ripped out. Could’ve been a real deflator, but the Giants recovered. That could be big – I think the Giants will score here.

o 11:23 – Skins actually playing the prevent defense the way its meant to be played, draining time from the clock. Nice job by them, as Tiki takes two dump off passes and a draw to get only 10 yards. Tiki is 17th all time in yards from scrimmage. That’s astounding. How long has he been a full time back??? As a Giants fan, I should probably know the answer to that.

o 11:25 – Brandon Jacobs actually makes a great blitz pickup, allowing Eli to hit Tim Carter for about 25 yards. For what its worth, the blitzing Mike Rumph just allows himself to be blocked by Jacobs standing in his way. Horrible effort on his part.

o 11:27 – Giants convert a FG. In this game, that could be big. 9-3.

o 11:29 – Would you buy a car because it comes with a guitar? What percentage of people even know how to play a guitar? 10%? Will people just buy the car and sell the guitar? I don’t get it. VW tried something similar with mountain bikes before – at least people know how to ride mountain bikes...

o 11:31 – 4 of the last 5 49ers – Raiders games have been decided by 6 points or less. This game will be no different, as neither team is able to score more than 6 points.

o 11:34 – Uh oh. Shannon Sharpe has been eating marbles again.

o 12:24 – An hour off to do work, and looky here, the Giants actually put a complete drive together. 70 yards, 8 minutes. Perfect. More importantly, their pass defense has been superb. Strahan even caused a sack for Robbins. Perhaps the team is back on track...

o 12:29 – Tennessee 13, Indy 7, into the fourth quarter. Titans ball. This will likely be the game to watch. Pats/Dolphins, Lions/Vikings and Saints/Bucs are also close. Good week of games.

o 12:33 – Packers game was just spotlighting Chad Clifton. He’s best known for taking a horrendously cheap shot from Warren Sapp in 2002. Good to see that since that point, Clifton has come back to perform consistently at an all-pro level, while Sapp is known for being fat, having a big mouth, and not making any plays.

o 12:39 – Big moment in the Bucs / Saints game. TB 1st and goal, Saints make something of a goal line stand, but Gradkowski hits Alex Smith for a TD. Tampa Bay is way more confident with Gradkowski than they were with Simms. Not even the same team. Bucs up 4. I picked them, right?

o 12:42 – Giants driving again. Under 5, pounding Jacobs a bit. Giant Football. They are easily the best team in the league. Chad Morton is dehydrated. He plays 8 snaps a game. How is he dehydrated? He has such a great reputation as a kick returner, but he never does anything. Let Tim Carter or Sinorice Moss return.

o 12:44 – Flipped to the Indy game just in time to see a Colts score. Bound to happen. Extra point gives them the lead. 5 minutes left, can Young mount a drive?

o 12:44 – Lots going on. Vikings inside the 10, down 1 with 4 minutes to go. Chester Taylor to the 1. I want to make a Whizzanator joke, but can’t come up with a good one. Goal line stand time. Lions stuff on 3rd down! Boss Bailey (a good player on a bad team) makes the stop. Vikings need to kick.

o 12:47 – Great return by Bobby Wade of the Titans! He almost falls over about 4 different yard lines before making into Indy territory. Titans only need about 15 yards. Let’s see what the Titans do. Young delivers the world’s easiest interception to Sanders (I think), but his own Colts teammate breaks it up. Horrible break for the Colts, as that was the game. Just an atrocious pass by Young.

o 12:50 – Packers score on a perfect throw by Favre to get back to 3 down. Favre hasn’t lost a step!

o 12:51 – Titans go nowhere and punt. Waste of a great kick return. This game is almost definitely over. Colts only need a first down or two.

o 12:54 – Last gasp for the Lions. 4th and 10, 1:47 left. Kitna makes the most ridiculously Kitna-esque throw play you’ve seen in a while. Almost sacked three times, he tries something of a backhanded throw to a Vikings defensive lineman. Game over. *shaking head* That’s so Kitna. (To be fair, it truly was a last gasp, and he had to try something. Kitna’s actually not that bad.)

o 12:56 – Buffalo cut the Bears lead to 33.

o 12:59 – Saints D makes a nice stop. They’ll have another chance to come back (down 4).

o 1:00 – Titans D makes a nice stand as well, and they will have another shot.

o 1:01 – Young just exudes confidence and calmness. That’s as important a trait as his athletic ability, in my opinion. Not enough, though. Colts win.

o 1:03 – Bush shows up! Reggie takes a punt to the house! Saints take the lead! I picked them, right? Actually, great blocking by the Saints. Any punt returner would have scored there. Horrible coverage.

o 1:05 – The NO/TB game is entertaining. Gradkowski steps up and makes a perfect throw to Galloway for big yards, and Galloway just drops it. Huge. Gradkowski steps up again and makes a nice throw to Hilliard for a first down. Wow, he looks completely comfortable. And very bald. Another good throw! 20 yards to Galloway! They are already in Saints territory. TB line playing great. Another completion for 7, called back for holding. Gradkowski looking great.

o 1:09 – JC Pearson just said that Gradkowski has “almost been too good.” I don’t know what that could possibly mean.

o 1:11 – A very large, very black Packers lineman is standing next to their little white kicker, and the lineman is throwing grass in the air, checking the wind. Something about that scene was very amusing.

o 1:12 – Packers driving into FG territory, which would tie it. Rams pass defense playing way too loose. This would be a bad loss for them. Inside the 20 now, and Favre looks so fired up that he could pick a pigeon out of mid-air and swallow it whole. Though I doubt that will actually happen.

o 1:13 – Wait a second, TO is returning for his first game back in Philly? Why didn’t someone at ESPN say something?

o 1:14 - 4th down for the Bucs and they go for it with 2:35 left. I think I would have punted there, and they don’t convert. I should be an NFL head coach. They are called “head coaches,” right? Not “managers?”

o 1:16 – Packers figuratively kick their fans in their collective groins when Favre holds the ball too long and fumbles. Recovered by Jerametrius Butler. For the purposes of this blog, his first name will forever be spelled Jerameatrius.

o 1:18 – The Saints game is the last one on. I’m hungry and hoping they wrap this up soon. There is a new hot dog shop a block away, and I can’t wait to check it out. Its called “What’s up Dog?” Bucs will get the ball back with 1:21 to go. Saints punt, Bucs receiver gets wrapped up and laterals to a teammate, BT yelps “Oh!!”, teammate gains 3 yards and is tackled. I was falsely excited. Saints win.

o 2:18 – Serious disappointment. What’s up Dog was closed. Whole Foods filled in semi-adequately. Oh well. What did I miss? Let’s see, the Eagles and Cowboys combined for 31 points, Matt Leinert had 2 first quarter TDs, the 9ers and Raiders are tripping all over each other, and Debbie is currently hiding EJ’s razors and taking the laces out of his shoes. And we’re back!

o 2:21 – Incidentally, LJ Smith needs to bring Ware down there. Inexcusable. Though he did make up for it somewhat.

o 2:29 – Holy crap! That was a legit running TD for Bledsoe. Hand it to him for taking the punishment there – he just flew right into 3 Eagles defenders. As much as I enjoy making fun of him, that was one tough run.

o 2:40 – I want the Padres to win tonight for two reasons. First, i want the Mets to have a big advantage in terms of rest time. Second, I want Joe Buck to cry.

o 2:47 – 49ers block a punt, getting the ball at the Raiders’ 10. There is at least a 20% chance they will score this drive.

o 2:49 – Poor Edgerrin James. You think that a team might want to get a line as good as the average junior college team before signing a star back? Jim Brown couldn’t run behind that line. Why do NFL executives not grasp that concept? Linemen and QBs, guys. Linemen and QBs.

o 2:53 – Jacksonville added a field goal. Debbie locked the door to the medicine cabinet.

o 3:29 – Now that is a good, old-fashioned bomb. McNabb to Hank Baskin, Baskin shakes off the tackle of Pat Watkins, and the final result is an 87 yard TD. Great play in an excellent game. I’m hoping that both teams lose.

o 3:31 – It is fleet week in SF, which means the Blue Angels are here. On the one hand, it is truly impressive how they fly together so close to each other. On the other hand, they are annoying and I’m not sure that many people are really entertained by them, and quite frankly, what happens when they accidentally clip each other and take out a neighborhood? I just hope they take out the Mission, and not SoMa.

o 3:33 – The greatness of the Raiders. Walter swings a pass out wide, dropped by Lamont Jordan. Only problem is it was backwards. Niners pick it up and waltz in. I love the Raiders. They really have a shot. 30-13 Niners. But the offensive coordinator can really make a continental breakfast. And he knows his way around a doily like no other.

o 3:43 – Matt Leinert hits Ty Law right on the numbers. Beautiful throw. Oh, wait, they aren’t teammates.

o 3:53 – 4th and inches at the Dallas 31 and they go for it! I can’t believe that. They don’t make it, but the refs give them a fortunate spot. Lucky. I would not have gone for it...

o 3:55 – Just flipped to the Chiefs game, and Larry Johnson appears to be dead on the ground. Not moving. He just ran an 80 yard screen which ended with one bad facemask. Ouch. Oooooh, he looked like the girl in the Exorcist. Or Poltergeist. Whichever one her head spins in. CBS is doing their trademark showing of concerned players while a teammate is down. It does look serious. He could have a very bad neck injury. Johnson just ain’t moving. Oh, good, there’s some leg movement. Now I don’t feel so bad about being flippant. LJ SUX!!1! He gets to his feet, and the first thing that happens is that Ty Law pats him on the helmet. “Thanks Ty, ever consider that my head might f*cking hurt?”

o 4:01 – Color guy on Andrew Walter: “You forget that he’s young, and you expect great things from him.” Um, I don’t forget that he’s young. And I expect nowhere near great things from him. But thanks.

o 4:04 – I have to say that I’m impressed with McNabb. He’s always been a good leader, a guy who does whatever it takes to get the job done. But in the last 2 or 3 years, he’s turned into a very good QB as well. He’s one of the most dangerous QBs with a normal 7 step drop.

o 4:06 – Touchdown, Eagles! A flea flicker. Simms to Morris back to ... er, McNabb to Westbrook back to McNabb, and deep to Reggie Brown. Classic NFC East trickery, I dare say the kind with which Parcells is intimately familiar. That just killed my fantasy team. Crap. Why did I praise McNabb?

o 4:12 – Call me crazy, but I feel like T.O. has a big play in him, and soon. Just throwing that out there. Well, he just caught a 25 yarder for a first down, but that’s not quite what I was talking about.

o 4:14 – They just showed a slo-mo of Andy Reid thinking about throwing the challenge flag. They shouldn’t show Reid in slo-mo for any reason whatsoever.

o 4:15 – BLEDSOED! TO had Lito Sheppard beat like a rented mule, and Drew Bledsoe threw a ball that made Cowboys fans long for the days of Chad Hutchinson. That was ugly. TO was wide open for the tying touchdown.

o 4:17 – Aikman and Buck have been just railing TO all day. Really shocking that Buck would take the preachy stance. Its enough to get me to actually root for TO. Buck is the definition of “smarmy.”

o 4:18 – Laveraneus Coles was a starting wide receiver for my fantasy team. I got 1 point from him. I’m considering breaking in to EJ’s medicine cabinet.

o 4:19 – Shut up, Buck, shut up! Shut the Buck up!

o 4:34 – Holy freaking moly! 4th and 18 and the Eagles (beneficiaries of the famous 4th and 26 play) let Terry Glenn run right by everyone. Inexcusable, and the Cowboys suddenly have life! First and goal at the six! Bledsoe has all day and still no one to throw to. Nice coverage by the Eagles secondary. 2nd down. BLEDSOED! That’s it. Sheppard is running it in as I type. Bledsoe rears his ugly head and gift wraps the game for Philly. Not sure what happened there. He had all day to throw, and just threw it right to Sheppard. Wow. I think Hank Baskett just kissed Sheppard. Dang, brotherly love, indeed.

o 4:43 – How in the world was Mike Ditka ever a pro coach? Aside from his failure to master the English language, he seems to have nothing more than a very basic knowledge of football. Right now he’s just mumbling quietly.

o 5:10 – Red Stripe #1. I’d normally wait until later, but McCarver’s on. McCarver just called Pujols “Prince Albert.” Do you really think that McCarver was intentionally referring to male genitalia piercing? Yeah, I do too.

o 5:50 – I’m getting a bumper sticker that says “I’d rather have you in a choke hold.” I love a good commercial.

o 5:54 – The Chargers just sh*t the hamper defending a screen play. You may have guessed that the Steelers’ receiver was Najeh Davenport.

o 5:55 – Madden: “You are not gonna run between the guards against the San Diego defense.” Next play, tailback dive up the middle, goes for 15 yards. Oops.

o 5:58 – I tend to think that blocking wide receivers are over-stressed by commentators, but Hines Ward just owned a defensive back on Willie Parker’s TD run. He made Antonio Cromartie his beyotch.

o 7:02 – OK, next time you get the chance to do so, watch Pujols run. It is very weird. He runs with his arms fully extended, swinging down by his sides, rather than with his elbows bent, pumping up in front of him. I might even describe it as “running like a girl.” Very weird.

o 7:35 – Last chance for the Pads. First and Third, no outs. Josh Bard up, Piazza on deck. McCarver face down in Brenneman’s lap. Johnson whiffs Bard. Piazza up, and I’m definitely rooting for him. What a great player. LaRussa brings in the righty.

o 7:39 – Roethlisberger just plain fumbled, and the refs called him down. I’m sorry, he was in the course of being sacked, but its a fumble. I hate that call. It should be Charger ball.

o 7:41 – Back to Piazza. He stays in to face the righty. GIDP. Ouch. Well, the Mets look to have their matchup. Bring on Jeff Weaver.

o 8:02 – What a difference a week makes. Last week, SD took the air out of the ball, letting Rivers throw just 22 times. Tonight, he has thrown 36 times with 9 minutes left in the game. 5 receivers have caught at least 2 balls. Impressive.

o 8:05 – Terrence Kiel is as smooth as cough syrup.

And that'll do it. The Chargers held on for a big win, and I held on to 3 or 4 more Red Stripes before hitting the showers and calling it a day. All in all a big day in sports. I really don't know how to end this. Um ... The End. There.