Sportsmeat

Alright folks, gather round. Wear your floppy berets and thick black horn-rimmed glasses. Smoke your cigarettes with one of them long cigarette holder things. Take a sharpie and draw in a little soul patch / flavor saver. Its time for Sportsmeat Poetry Corner!

My topic today is one that has inspired most of the great poets and songwriters through the generations - cortisone shots. When reading about one of the latest athletes that was jonesing for the sweet, sweet cortisone-juice, I was struck by the magical abilities of the drug. Its a treatment for everything. Runny nose? Cortisone. Broken leg? Cortisone. Herpes? Cortisone. But I ain't administering the shot.

So please be kind for the world premier of "Cortisone" by BT (sung to the tune of "Kodachrome" by Paul Simon):


When I think back to all the injuries I had in high school
Its a wonder I can walk at all
And though my lack of healthiness hasn’t hurt me none
Sometimes I still crash into the outfield wall

Cortisone!
You give me the nice reduced inflammation
You give me the speedy healing process
You make me think I can go out there and play, oh yeah
I’ve got a nice big needle
I like to take multiple injections
So doctor don’t take my cortisone away

If you took all the pains I had when I was younger
Brought them all together for one night
I know they’d never match my f*cking aching shoulder
Contrary to JJ Walker, its not dynomite


Cortisone!
You give me the nice reduced inflammation
You give me the speedy healing process
You make me think I can go out there and play, oh yeah
I’ve got a nice big needle
I like to take multiple injections
So doctor don’t take my cortisone away

Doctor don’t take my cortisone
Doctor don’t take my cortisone
Doctor don’t take my cortisone away...

(Please note that the above picture is of a person with a dirty looking arm getting a shot for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, of all things. It truly is the wonder drug!)

*waiting for the finger-snapping to die down*

OK, a couple sports-related notes for Thursday:

• Just need to chime in a the Cory Lidle affair. Obviously just sad all around. This is the best article I've read on it - a well written piece by a writer that had made his acquaintance. And this is an interesting take from an aviation expert (granted, there's not much info out yet). And this is a 'person' who needs to eat a fat ... balogna sandwich. Johnny Cochran took the easy way out.
• Obviously disappointed by last night's rainout. I work down the hall from a Cards fan who cannot believe that La Russa is still letting Weaver pitch game 1. I say its the right move - the only replacement that he'd really want to move up is Carpenter, to give Carpenter the shot at 3 starts in the series. It would be theoretically possible to start Carpenter tonight, but that would have him 3 days rest, which could put them behind the 8 ball the whole series. Since Carpenter isn't the right choice, no reason to mess with Weaver's fragile mind and knock him off his game 1 start. They need some good innings from him sometime.
• As a sports fan who does the great majority of his fanning (fanatacizing?) from behind a desk, I click through a lot of "player pages," checking out stats and the like. Here are 2 of the better pics I've stumbeld across recently. Clinically insane Panthers center Justin Hartwig, and the weepy Mark Kotsay.
• Finally, be sure to make your picks in this week's Angry Puppies Challenge (below). If you're wondering why I picked Kentucky, well, wonder no more.