Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Jobu needs a refill
A quick look in the recycling bin of sports commentary
Frank Deford had a great piece on schools banning tag this morning. No, not TAG, the body spray (which incidentally was banned by some schools last year because it was irritating asthmatic students), but tag, the game, as in "you're it." Psychologists call it an "elimination game" like dodgeball, and say its bad for kids' psyche. Oh, don't get me started on dodgeball. What about spelling bees? They're elimination games, and those kids seem to be pretty well adjusted. OK, bad example. Wait, let's go back to the elimination concept: No one is eliminated in tag! The game goes on forever! That's the beauty of games like tag and running bases and butts-up. You go through your turn of being it, or on base, or the kid against the wall getting a tennis ball winged at his arse at full speed, and then you move back to the general pool of competitors. Let's protect kids from abusive parents and coaches, Internet predators, dingoes, radioactive snails, and college roommates who try to hog-tie them. And let's leave the recess yard alone.
One of my all-time favorite Steve Rushin columns was the one where he pointed out the many examples of sports figures (and writers) misusing the word "literally." So I decided to look for a few examples of my own. Surprisingly, not so easy to find.
From the Hartford Courant, previewing Rutgers-UConn:
What's happening right now is what has Rutgers football followers literally coming out of the woodwork. I was wondering where those holes in the crown molding came from.
From Newsday, on El Duque's injury woes:
Orlando Hernandez literally got the boot from his Game 1 start, the Division Series and quite possibly the remainder of the playoffs when he arrived yesterday at Shea Stadium. OK, so he was wearing an orthopedic boot. But I doubt it was literally provided by "his game 1 start," who everyone knows is tightwad when it comes to giving gifts. The same week, he gave Chien-Ming Wang a half-eaten Snickers bar and told him that it was "Fun Size."
From the Houston Chronicle, a quote by Deuce McAllister:
"Until you really visit [New Orleans] and spend some time here in the city, in this region, you really don't understand what this team means to the region. Literally, when you're born, you're born with that black and gold in your blood. It's a part of you." I've never been there, so I guess I'll take his word for it.
Snoop, a quick take on Kenny Rogers: I think LaRussa was simply sparing him the embarrassment of shoving a jalepeno up his nose. To quote the great Eddie Harris: "Crisco... Bardol...Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just...[sniff]...wipe my nose."
Frank Deford had a great piece on schools banning tag this morning. No, not TAG, the body spray (which incidentally was banned by some schools last year because it was irritating asthmatic students), but tag, the game, as in "you're it." Psychologists call it an "elimination game" like dodgeball, and say its bad for kids' psyche. Oh, don't get me started on dodgeball. What about spelling bees? They're elimination games, and those kids seem to be pretty well adjusted. OK, bad example. Wait, let's go back to the elimination concept: No one is eliminated in tag! The game goes on forever! That's the beauty of games like tag and running bases and butts-up. You go through your turn of being it, or on base, or the kid against the wall getting a tennis ball winged at his arse at full speed, and then you move back to the general pool of competitors. Let's protect kids from abusive parents and coaches, Internet predators, dingoes, radioactive snails, and college roommates who try to hog-tie them. And let's leave the recess yard alone.
One of my all-time favorite Steve Rushin columns was the one where he pointed out the many examples of sports figures (and writers) misusing the word "literally." So I decided to look for a few examples of my own. Surprisingly, not so easy to find.
From the Hartford Courant, previewing Rutgers-UConn:
What's happening right now is what has Rutgers football followers literally coming out of the woodwork. I was wondering where those holes in the crown molding came from.
From Newsday, on El Duque's injury woes:
Orlando Hernandez literally got the boot from his Game 1 start, the Division Series and quite possibly the remainder of the playoffs when he arrived yesterday at Shea Stadium. OK, so he was wearing an orthopedic boot. But I doubt it was literally provided by "his game 1 start," who everyone knows is tightwad when it comes to giving gifts. The same week, he gave Chien-Ming Wang a half-eaten Snickers bar and told him that it was "Fun Size."
From the Houston Chronicle, a quote by Deuce McAllister:
"Until you really visit [New Orleans] and spend some time here in the city, in this region, you really don't understand what this team means to the region. Literally, when you're born, you're born with that black and gold in your blood. It's a part of you." I've never been there, so I guess I'll take his word for it.
Snoop, a quick take on Kenny Rogers: I think LaRussa was simply sparing him the embarrassment of shoving a jalepeno up his nose. To quote the great Eddie Harris: "Crisco... Bardol...Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just...[sniff]...wipe my nose."
# posted by Budds @ 10:20 AM 
